Dear readers,
I try not to use this as a forum for some of my more explosive thoughts. I try to make this a place of serene reflection. But today I had an experience that was so insulting and outrageous that I just can't contain myself. I must speak out against the wrongs that are being perpetrated against the people of Los Angeles.
Michael Voltaggio of Top Chef "fame" will soon be opening a restarant very close to my home called ink. (the period is not a typo, it's actually part of the stupid name), and in preparation for that he's opened an establishment around the corner called ink.sack. I have so many complaints that I have a hard time knowing where to begin, they are all flooding into my mind.
First of all, I've been trying to go there since it opened, but the hours are not posted so I had to look for a pattern and I determined that it is only open for lunch on Monday through Saturday. Closed on Sundays, and on holidays. That's stupid business move #1. Then again, maybe I shouldn't criticize the limited hours of operation seeing how the line is so long on Saturdays that I would have to eat before I went defeating the purpose of my whole trip. Nevertheless, I've walked by several times and pressed my face against the glass to read the menu, and my mouth has literally watered. So today I made time at lunch to go over there.....Oh cruel world, why are you so filled with disappointment?
The first thing you see when walking up to the tiny storefront is a sign outside on the sidewalk that says "line forms here". Not even hand written, no pleasantry at all, and it's literally next to a velvet rope. Already I'm put off. No one being in the line though, I took the liberty of walking directly to the cash register. There's just a guy standing at a counter with a cash register like the corner liqueur store, which didn't bother me until I realized my main complaint so read on. I look up to see the menu and just see this guy staring at me, no hello or thank you for coming, just the blank stare, and then I step to the side to see the menu. People must do this all day and yet this guy still doesn't think to move to the side so a customer can read the menu. There's maybe 15 to 20 items on the whole menu and in all honesty each one is fascinating in its own way. So I ask Mr. better-door-than-a-window what his favorite is, and he says something but I can't hear him. That's when I realize that I can't hear or think anything because about 18" from my head there's an iPod dock on a shelf blasting music loud enough for the staff in back to hear. This guy must be made of saliva if he doesn't realize that no one can hear him because his voice is drowned out by the music coming from a source literally an arm's reach from him.
Wishing now that I lived in a different neighborhood so I would never have known about this place, and resisting the temptation to turn the f-ing music down myself, I lean in and ask him to repeat. Annoyed with me he says "turkey melt, and blah-ma-flama-blah." Only turkey melt was comprehensible, so that's what I ordered with a side of the crab cake potato chips. He rings me up at $9.79. That's nearly $10 for a sandwich and a bag of chips - no drink. OK fine, but it's gourmet so I can't say that I'm surprised.
I move to another part of the room and wait for my order. There are counters around the tiny room and two high pub style tables outside, but no low tables (the ADA would have something to say about that, so I'll leave it to them) and no stools, and NOT ONE SINGLE PLACE TO SIT ANYWHERE. I watch as orders placed after mine are picked up. I watch as a man is handed a very wet cucumber salad in a zip lock back and there are no forks anywhere and the staff offer no advice on how to eat it. Then finally my name is called. I'm handed my sack by another person who is afflicted with a disease that prohibits her from smiling or speaking. As I turn to walk away from the counter I notice that my sack is surprisingly light and so I open it and pull out the sandwich and this is when the most shocking, insulting slap in the face occurs. The sandwich is about the size of a Twinky.
Here's the deal people....I can handle not having a place to sit. I handle the unfriendly staff (who btw didn't mention that one is expected to eat more than one sandwich). I can even handle paying $10 to $20 for lunch with a side and a drink. And if the food is worth it, I'll even wait in line. What I can't take is all of that at once. A $10 meal should come with a beverage. A $15 meal should come with utensils and a place to site. A $20 meal should come with a server. No doubt the chef would argue that I'm getting better quality food, and I am willing to admit that the food is excellent, but it is done a disservice when the overall experience is almost torture. Not providing a friendly greeting or a place to sit down is like saying "You must suffer if you want to enjoy my tiny over priced food."
Michael Voltaggio I hate your sandwich shop. I will be telling everyone in the neighborhood that I hate it. And I will tell all my friends that I had better service and value at Subway. When your main restaurant opens I will go there once, but my expectations will be EXTREMELY low.
Alright, I'm sorry for my outburst. Now back to more to more positive content.
Yours Truly,
Jeremy
